the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
