I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
