it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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