i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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