I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
