i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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