I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
