I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dignity is for republicans.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
