I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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