She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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