His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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