I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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