So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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