Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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