I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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