Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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