In the future we'll all be gay
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How does one acquire holy water?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
