I got chris browned last night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
