i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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