she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
