The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize