My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
