omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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