Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
