we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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