what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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