Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
