so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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