Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
