Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize