Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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