Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
