matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
