Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
