Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
