So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
