Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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