Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
