i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
