I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
