If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
