i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
