i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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