Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
