My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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