I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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