just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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