i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
