Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
