What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
