Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
