drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize