I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
