had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
