When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
