Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
