Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
