Don't make out with my wife yet
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
