I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
