he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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