I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
