It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
