my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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