So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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