Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize