please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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