I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize