I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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