I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
