what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
