Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
